Until I Lost You
by HecateA
Summary: A story of constants and how heart-wrenching the possibility of change is. Oneshot. Written for the Percy Jackson Ship Weeks (at last).


**There are excuses to be made for how long it took for my Ship Week stories to come out, but you are not interested in any of them so I will keep them to myself. The only one I'll share is that this story took forever. I hold myself to such high standards for my Jeyna stories since the part of me that doesn't care about Jason's free will and interesting character growth still want them to be together, but I produced a story and so the rest will follow. Goodnight and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the story.**

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><p><strong>Until I Lost You<strong>

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><p><em>The way to love anything is to realise that it may be lost.<em>

_-Gilbert K Chesterton _

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><p>When Jason was young, he had trouble adapting to legion life after running loose with Lupa for years on end. He couldn't remember the patterns that marches went in, what epithets went to which gods, who was who in the complex hierarchy of Roman politics… That is, until his praetor of the time –Michelle- told him the key to it all.<p>

"It's always the same thing," she said.

Latin verb endings, orders, battle formations, myths about adulterous gods and mortals transformed into animals, religious rituals…

Consistency was the heart of the Roman Empire. Stability meant that its growth stayed sturdy, that nobody was trying to assassinate anyone, that life could go on, that culture could change and develop. It was better, and Jason saw that for himself. He found his own constants that kept his own world grounded (although sometimes they found him).

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><p>The general excitement of today was that a retired legionnaires –Florence Knightly, daughter of Mars and legacy of Fortuna, known for her defence of Rome against the <em>dracones indium <em>at age 12, a year before she became praetor- was giving the swordplay lessons today.

She'd brought along her husband (and old praetor colleague) to demonstrate some techniques. Jason's eyes glittered as he watched the quick footwork, the techniques, the blend of styles, the speed of it all…

Then she walked them through a few of the networks of moves.

"I want you to separate in groups of two and practise that," she said. "Don't spar with friends. Spar with someone that matches your level of talent. The only way to get-"

"Pss," Bobby whispered in Jason's ear. "Wanna be with me?"

"Can't, I'm with Reyna," Jason said.

"You haven't even talked to her today," Bobby huffed.

"I'm _always _with Reyna for sparring," Jason said.

Scanning the crowd of eager and attentive legionnaires, he spotted her, met her eyes and she nodded at him.

* * *

><p>Reyna was cracking her knuckles in the senate, trying to keep herself as alert and ready as if this was an actual physical fight.<p>

"I struggle and fail to see why Centurion Ramirez Arellano is the most suited to lead this quest," Octavian proclaimed.

Reyna bit her lip. _Of course I'm most suited to lead this quest, I have experience with these monsters, _she wanted to say.

She looked at Jason and his face was like stone.

She kept her tongue.

"She has no experience as a leader in outside affairs, and barely any as a centurion herself," Octavian said. "I mean, surely there's a better option for the wellbeing of Rome!"

"I suppose that you want to lead the quest instead, then," Jason said.

"If the senate votes on the subject, it would be an honour for me to-"

Jason cracked the tiniest smile. That came off like a cue to Reyna.

"-put all _your _years of leadership in outside affairs to use," Reyna said loudly.

There was some scoffing and giggles in the senate. Octavian flushed red.

Jason gave a thumbs up to Reyna.

One more senate meeting successfully navigated in tandem.

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><p>Jason was late for supper because he'd been talking to Praetor McQuid about his upcoming quest and how <em>why in Rome and Olympus am I the most qualified person to go kill a sea monster? <em>He'd worried and muttered to himself on his way to the dining pavilion, and when he got there he flagged down Reyna. When he got to the clump of seats that she was laying on, he saw that Aurum and Argentum were sitting on a couch all to themselves.

Reyna saw him and snapped her fingers. The dogs hopped off.

"I saved you a spot."

"Thanks," Jason said.

"And I grabbed you a Coke before everyone took the good pop and left the Ginger Ale," Reyna said.

_"Thank you." _

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><p>Reyna's cohort had been grounded for defiance to the praetors and general misbehaviour, and even after missing a day at Berkeley, they came in late for supper. Reyna looked less than impressed, so Jason was glad that he'd saved her a plate of her ultimate comfort food, <em>sofrito. <em>He'd also snuck a few taquitos on her plate, but her day had been so bad that even that only marginally cheered her up. Her devotion and loyalty and seriousness made Reyna and outcast in the fourth cohort, which she belonged in for power if nothing else.

"I stopped at the auto shop and picked up motor oil for the dogs," Jason said.

"Thank the gods!" Reyna said. "I didn't have enough to last them another week!"

That made her feel better than the taquitos did.

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><p>"It's not sinking in," Jason said. "Actually the only sinking going on right now is what my grades are going to be doing…"<p>

He sighed and shut his textbook. To become a higher officer in Rome, like a centurion or a praetor, you had to have a level of education that went to middle school at the least. And it had to be accredited. So he and Reyna were taking homeschool classes with Lupa being officially listed as their teacher, but most of the content being self-taught. Usually this worked well for Jason who'd sprung a streak of independence and autonomy in New Rome, but usually Jason was procrastinating math rather than doing it.

"Okay, look," Reyna said pulling his notebook towards her. She studied his work for a few minutes before tapping her pencil onto a spot on the page. "The problem here is that you're trying to multiply two negatives, and you're keeping your product negative instead of making it positive so your _next _addition doesn't work at all."

"Oh, Styx," Jason said. "That's true. Geez, since when are you so good at math?"

"I did budgets and sums for Circe," Reyna said. "Do you want me to look at the rest of your work?"

"Sure, that would rock!"

"Can you read over my English essay after? My spelling sucks."

"Yeah, no problem," Jason said as they swapped notebooks.

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><p>Reyna dumped an armful of firewood on the spot where Jason had cleared the forest floor.<p>

"I really need to sleep," Reyna said. She looked awful after using her powers to collapse the monster's hideout. It was a little trick she'd inherited from her mother being the destructor of cities as a war goddess, one that Reyna hated to use but that had saved their lives.

"You do," Jason agreed.

Reyna rubbed her eyes. "I've refilled the water bottles, and there's enough firewood for you to work with if you can just set a spark to it or something…"

"I've got it," Jason said.

"I'm just going to sharpen my sword before I… Pluto, I forgot my whetstone at camp…" Reyna groaned.

"It's okay," Jason said. "I brought an extra."

"IVLIVS needs it," Reyna said.

"No, you always forget yours, so I brought an extra one for you," Jason said rummaging in a pouch of his backpack. He found it and Reyna sighed in relief.

"Thank the gods."

"But you don't get to use it yet, you need to sleep first," Jason said. "You can sharpen your armoury during your shift. Shoo. Go count sheep or something."

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><p>Unlike the rumour that Octavian would undoubtedly spread would say, Jason wasn't late to the senate meeting because he couldn't figure out how to tie a toga, but rather because his cohort was being a pain. But whatever the reason, he was late, and every senator, retired legionnaire, praetor and every <em>questor<em> in between saw it.

"Did I miss the vote?" Jason asked as he sat down next to Reyna.

"No," she whispered back, not taking her eyes off the speaker. She slid a floppy notebook towards him. "I took notes for you."

"You rocks," Jason said flipping to a new page of the notebook and finding a pen for himself.

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><p>There wasn't a single doubt in Jason's mind that Reyna had been interiorising what would and should have been a <em>major freak out <em>early in the day, when they'd found out that the series of attacks on women in New Rome were getting more and more frequent, and that the authorities were suspecting a serialist. She wouldn't take kindly to that. It would stir up some bad memories and she'd be heartbroken that her new safe place, the supposed safe haven for all demigods, was suddenly crumbling around her.

He sat down on the fourth barrack's front steps with a book until he heard the porch door squeak open. He turned around and sure enough, there was Reyna- bundled in a big sweater and sweatpants. She saw Jason and he opened his arms. She sat down next to him.

"I figured you'd have a nightmare or an attack or- or something," Jason said softly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Reyna said. "I just want you to be here."

"I can do that," Jason said.

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><p>"Are you sure?" Reyna asked.<p>

Jason nodded. "Two hellhounds, three somethings that are like snakes, and a Titan."

Since he'd started feeling the electromagnetic fields of living organisms, he'd been so much more useful on quests.

"I'll go," Jason said. "Send the dogs after the snake-likes. We each take a hellhound, give ourselves 10 seconds to get them, and then figure out which Titan we're dealing with."

"If it's a small one?" Reyna asked.

"Inflict damage, figure out what it's doing," Jason said. He bit his lip. "They're probably just gathering at Othrys…"

"Hey, focus," Reyna said. "Worry later. If it's a big one?"

"Run."

"Perfect," Reyna said.

They starred at the door.

"On three," Reyna said raising her knife. "One… two… three…"

Jason kicked down the door and jumped in.

Immediately he heard the clink of metal against metal, and spun around to see that Reyna had caught a dracanae's sword with her dagger.

_Oh, _Jason thought as he turned back around and sliced through a hellhound's throat.

They'd smelled them and framed the door. Lovely.

Thank gods Reyna always covered his back.

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><p>"Okay," Reyna said. "I walked up and down the road and I saw a McDonald's, a PF Chang's China Bistro, a Chuck E Cheese and a Burger King."<p>

"Let's go to McDonald's," Jason said.

"No," Reyna said. "You forgot your Epipen at camp; I'm not dealing with you dying of cross-contamination now. I've got a full quest to keep you alive for, and I decided a while back that if I'm losing you, it's not because of a stupid peanut."

"Bobby, Kota and I go to McDonald's all the time."

"Well, it's their problem if you die, not mine," Reyna said. "I looked it up. The Chinese place is our best bet."

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><p>"My mom worked in wildlife rehab," Bobby said. "I grew up with, like, crows and cages of abandoned baby raccoons in the house, you know? When I was a kid my mom would give me a bottle and give a possum one and stuff. Got picked up by a nature god, of course. Still haven't been claimed and she doesn't know which one, she can't remember his god name, she only called him <em>Bay.<em>"

It was one of _those _nights in New Rome. One of those nights where a newcomer had stumbled into camp after his run from the Wolf House and died so close to camp, or bad news had come in from the war front, or someone important had died in New Rome or a big festival or holiday had just come up and certain demigods just hadn't had a home to go back to, or a family to celebrate with. One of those nights when people wanted to talk and everybody became vulnerable, wrapped up in blankets and sitting here and there on a barrack's porch.

"There are a ton of nature gods," Gwen nodded. "I find it sweet how your dad never told your mom who he was or made a big deal out of being a god. It made their relationship seem more important, you know? Me it's my mum who went to study medicine outside of New Rome and met Apollo. I heard that Venus wasn't exactly _pleased _to know that Apollo was having an affair with his daughter, but he was sweet with my mom."

"Even if it means you're related to Octavian," Jason grinned.

Gwen stuck her tongue out at him.

"Reyna, was your dad a soldier?" Dakota asked.

It was an innocent question but Reyna froze and Jason froze too. He hadn't lived through the dark past that had brought Reyna to where she was now, but he knew it. He'd seen the pain in her as she'd told him about it for the first time, a night like this underneath the stars on a quest. He'd been sworn to secrecy and he knew how much Reyna hated talking about her father, her parents, where she was from…

"I never got to even know my mother," Jason said. His friends all _knew _that, and they knew that Lupa and some now-retired centurions had raised Jason, but he'd never admitted it or talked about it. He was basically making himself a more interesting target than Reyna at the moment. "I guess that all those myths about Jupiter having bad taste in women is true."

"Jason you can't say that," Gwen said taking his hand. "How do you know it's true?"

"Gut feeling," Jason said. "I mean, who abandons a _baby?" _

Reyna looked at Jason with the purest sympathy and the greatest thanks in her eyes.

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><p>"Hey," Reyna said, walking backwards into the senate to push the door open.<p>

"Hey," Jason said. The maps in front of him looked blurry and absolutely no part of the highlighter colour code made sense to him, even though he'd come up with it to try and pinpoint correlations with the ritual deaths of demigods and famous monster killings.

"You going to be here for a bit longer?"

"Yeah," Jason replied.

"That's what I thought. I'm not authorised to be out of bed this late, but I got you coffee," Reyna said.

"Venti from Cornelia's Coffee Shop, shot of espresso and as much sugar as she lets you put in before cutting you off?" Jason asked.

Reyna scoffed.

"I know what to do," she said handing him the drink.

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><p><em>Dear Hylla,<em>

_ Though Reyna really appreciates getting mail from you, I'd like to warn you that you should save Amazon Inc some money in advertising by directing your flyers to someone who might have more active interest in engaging herself with your company. _

_ Reyna is secure and happy with the Twelfth Legion Fulminata, especially considering her recent promotion to the rank of centurion of the fourth cohort._

_ Her fellow centurion,_

_Jason_

"Like it?" Jason asked.

"She'll bitch at me for letting a male answer my letters, but honestly yeah that's a nice way to tell her to stop," Reyna said. "Thanks for drafting that for me."

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><p>"Here," Reyna said giving Jason a rolled up blueprint.<p>

"What's this?"

"The Fifth Cohort's plan for the War Games," she said.

Jason arched an eyebrow.

"I sorted through the ones under your bunk since you haven't had time to plan, and judging by what we're up against, this will do," Reyna said. "You only need to make a few modifications to account for the elephant."

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><p>"I didn't tell anyone so that they wouldn't make a big deal about it," Jason said quietly as they marched their cohorts towards the obstacle course where they'd train together, "but happy birthday."<p>

"Thank you," Reyna repeated just as quietly.

"I got you something."

"Thank you."

"Drop by my barrack later."

"Okay," Reyna said.

Jason yelled out the order to halt as loudly as he could before addressing the cohorts.

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><p>Now that they'd killed the Trojan Sea Monster and officially proved to the Senate that they were capable, the party was happening.<p>

Jason had enjoyed hopping around New Rome on his crutches. Had enjoyed seeing all the merchants and little kids he babysat and old legionnaires he'd known in his early days in the fort. He enjoyed the music and the dancing and the free food pouring in from left and right.

He'd retired to the edge of the dance floor, leaving Gwen and Dakota to what would hopefully escalate into a declaration of love, and was smiling contently. This is what he and Reyna had busted their butts and made enormous promises and taken big risks to save. This was New Rome at its best.

Two college girls zoned in on Jason. He smiled and nodded his head when he crossed her apple green eyes.

"Where'd you get that?" One of the girls said nodding towards his smashed-up foot. "Did it hurt when they throw you off Olympus?"

Jason's face fell into the kind of expression that didn't _look _like it could smile.

"Umm…"

His entire brain short-circuited except for the small part of it that could do nothing useful but run around saying '_I don't want to flirt with this girl I don't want to flirt with anyone I don't I HELP'. _

Someone wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Hey baby," Reyna said in the most uncharacteristic, high-pitched, squeaky voice. "I've been looking for you _everywhere. _I thought you said this was going to be _our_ night! Oh hello, who's this?"

She beamed at the two girls with a look that Jason figured must hurt her, but that the two girls took as a symptom of a fluffy love-struck brain.

"We were just talking," the one who'd spoken to Jason said, smiling at Reyna in the way that girls smiled at each other as they prepared to maul each other to death. She elbowed her friend and they turned around, melting back into the dance floor's crowd.

"_Thank you," _Jason said. "So much."

Reyna laughed. "Your face was so funny; I nearly let it go on for a few more minutes. But don't worry Grace, I got your back."

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><p>Bobby, one of the scouts, popped back into the tent.<p>

"Jason? Reyna?"

They turned around.

"Hannibal and I spotted another lightning storm on the North front of the mountain," he said. "We think that another Titan just arrived on the mountain."

Jason's limbs stiffened and part of him wanted to just yell out _Oh come on! _at the sky.

He turned towards Reyna. They needed to get a higher officer to check things out, determine what Titan and what kind of force had just been placed on the mountain…. They had to go talk to the cohorts on the mountain's other fronts, watching the other trails, and see what resources they could spare just in case. They needed to reassess the Titans strategy…

Reyna looked at him and nodded before pushing her way out of the tent. He heard her bark out orders outside.

"Centurions to me," she said. "Peggy- saddle up Scipio. I need four messengers right here _stat…"_

Jason took a deep breath. Reyna was on it.

"Thanks Bobby," he said. "Go get Hannibal some water, and stick around base camp. Okay, back to the problem of Krios…"

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><p>"Aren't you supposed to be on the battle-"<p>

"They've retreated," Gwen said kindly. "We're safe for now."

Reyna snapped at the medic. "Where is he?"

"In the medical tent," the medic scrambled to answer.

"How is he?"

"Barely conscious," he said.

Reyna made a run for the tent and spotted Jason as soon as she walked in. He frowned when he saw her.

"They've retreated," Reyna said. "We took down four of their five dragons."

"Good," Jason wheezed. He was wrapped in bandages from his chest to his hips, some spots had turned scarlet. Various scrapes on his lips and arms freaked Reyna out. His forehead was pearled with sweat.

"Reyna took one down singlehandedly," Gwen said softly.

"No," Jason said. "Reyna that's so foolish. Why would you-"

He winced and stopped talking.

"Mars Almighty, Jason," Reyna said. "Why did you take that hit for me?"

She'd spent the last twenty minutes on the battlefield losing her shit. She wasn't sure how many _actually _constructive orders she'd given, how much she'd actually guided people through the worst battle any of them would have to go through- but she'd killed everything she'd seen. She'd even pierced right through a hydra's heart- the hardest way to kill one.

"It was the poison too," a medic said walking by. He stopped and gave Reyna the full analysis and description of Jason's injuries- everything from bruised bones from the landing _following _the getting-swatted-by-a-dragon, the five pierce wounds in his chest from the dragon's claws, and the poison that had seeped from them too.

Once the medic left, she fell to her knees next to Jason's cot and covered her face.

"I'm sorry," Reyna said. "How could you do that? _How could you put yourself in so much danger _now? We have a war to win, you're too valuable to lose."

"Stop apologising you idiot," Jason said. "I'd do it again in ten minutes, if need be. And you're more than valuable to me."

"Why did you do that?" Reyna said.

"Because I saw that dragon swing its paw to swat you away and I thought _oh my gods, that could kill someone. _And I didn't want it to kill you because, call me selfish here, you're such a big part of my life, you're so full of little touches and little things that keep me safe and happy, and I don't think I could have fought this war or even lived after it without you."

"And didn't you think for a second about how _I _would have managed?" Reyna said before burying her face in his blankets. Jason's fingers found a bit of her hair.

"That's the selfish part," he said. "It's because I kind of realised that that was because I probably love you."

"Are you high on pain medication?" Reyna asked after a while.

"No," Jason said.

"Perfect," Reyna said. She leaned down and kissed him. "Survive this war, and we'll see if you get more, Grace."

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><p>It was the kind of love that loved you and gave you something to love, but the kind of love that kept your world together. Jason wasn't sure if he needed both of those things to still love Reyna, because so far it looked like he always would in a way.<p>

He just knew that he didn't want to lose her.

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><p><strong>Upcoming ship weeks<strong>

**September**

**07- 13 **- Jason and Piper

**14 -20 **- Frank and Hazel

**21 - 27 **- Calypso and Leo

**28 - October 7 **- Percy and Annabeth


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